He knows he's a dad when...

... The first two songs he learns to play on his fabulous new purple ukulele are 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' and 'Three Blind Mice'...

He knows he's a dad when...

... His little girl looks up, points her finger at him and says in her most gentle baby voice, 'Da-da...'

He knows he's a dad when...

... He can tell why 'that's not my penguin' from the other side of the room...

He knows he's a dad when...

... He is so easily substituted by a small rubber penguin...

He knows he's a dad when...

... He finds himself pondering whether not having anything to cry about is in itself something to cry about...

He knows he's a dad when...

... His evening routine involves a 'milk count'...

He knows he's a dad when...

... He finds himself picking chicken curry out of somebody else's ear...

He knows he's a dad when...

... His Sunday also begins at 5.45am...

He knows he's a dad when...

... His Saturday begins at 5.45am...

He knows he's a dad when...

... Bedtime negotiations begin by trading a toothbrush for a moose...

He knows he's a dad when...

... Despite his red/brown colourblindness, he's checking stools for blood...

He knows he's a dad when...

... Picking somebody else's nose and biting their nails becomes infinitely more socially acceptable than picking and biting your own...

He knows he's a dad when...

... The washing-up bowl he has his hands in suddenly reveals a rubber duck in the Queen's Guard uniform swimming in it...

He knows he's a dad when...

... He can state categorically that 'stacking cup number 6' is on the bouncy chair in the kitchen from thirty-two miles away...